Popular Posts

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Where did we go wrong?

We had our first phone call from the school today. When I saw the school's name come up on the call display, I'll admit my first thought was "Oh, I wonder if my big'un is sick..."

yeah... not so much.

Nope, the call wasn't to let me know he wasn't feeling well, it was to let me know that my child is a problem. A serious problem. A physically-hurting-other-kids kind of problem.

I managed to get through the phone call with the teacher without breaking down - points for me. But after hanging up I will admit that I am at a complete and utter loss. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to move forward. I want to support the teacher, I want to work towards my big'un behaving appropriately in class and in the schoolyard - and while I was not even remotely shocked when she told me last week that he was having "listening problems" (Hi. Yeah. Welcome to my every day.) when she called to tell me about his behaviour today (even going so far as to having to make him sit completely alone at lunchtime) I was actually shocked.

Don't laugh.

I know, I know - every Mom who's kid turns out to be the bully is "shocked" at their behaviour. I'll admit, I've been guilty myself of the "Oh yeah, sure you're shocked..." plus eye roll that usually is the response to that statement. I'm a walking cliche.

But here I am on the other side. Yup - that'd be my kid. The one who slammed his drink down on another kid's hand at lunch. Completely unprovoked. Just, randomly hurt another kid. The one being anti-social one minute on the playard, and then following around other kids who don't want to play with him. Well... if he's exhibiting the behaviours the teacher says he is - then I guess I don't blame them. But great - now my kid is the kid who doesn't have friends at school... and it's his own fault.

Before this I would've said he's a social kid: friendly, funny, loves to play. But now apparently he's mean, he pushes, he hits, he pinches. He steals other kids books and doesn't listen. He harms other kid unprovoked.

Who is this child? Where is my sweet kiddo? What has happened... and where did we go wrong? 

I mean, let's be completely honest and realistic - kids learn these behaviours somehow, don't they? I mean, the hubs and I, we don't hit each other - but I will admit that I have a temper. I tend to shout (usually at myself)... and I've definitely been guilty of slamming down an item or two... but on the counter of the kitchen, or on the table... certainly never on someone elses' hand. But I can't deny I've done it. And then, obviously, he gets that from me. So, actually - this is MY fault.

And the teacher asks "is this a surprise to you?"

Wow. That's an awfully diplomatic way to ask if this is the way I behave and as an extension, the way my kid is now behaving. And unfortunately, I think she's right.

And what do I do? I think I could talk to my big'un until I'm blue in the face and he's still not going to hear anything but what he wants to hear.

And why is he doing these things? I guess he's frustrated, but he obviously doesn't know how to express that in an appropriate manner. Which to me says, he isn't ready. He isn't ready to be in a school situation, all day, every day. So do I pull him from school? Do we wait it out and send him next year (then he'd be held back his whole school career - awful!)? Will that do more harm than good? And I honestly think he'd hate us... really truly hate us if we pulled him out. One minute he's causing an issue in class, the next minute he's telling the teacher how much he loves her and loves school.

But if he doesn't change these behaviours... the next phone call will be to come and pick him up. And then it'll no longer be my choice whether or not he's at school..... 

I'm lost.
I'm just.....................

I don't think there's enough tea in the world for this.

Someone tell me what to do, please.



ETA: Just had a chat with my super-supportive and all-round awesome Mom-in-law (who has successfully parented 2 boys all the way through school without any suspensions, expulsions or arrests - which I think makes her kind of an expert) and I feel slightly less like I should be the headliner on parenting-fails.org 
But if anyone has any suggestions, any at all, please share them with me and let me know - because I am plum out of ideas at the present time. Tea.

1 comment:

  1. Hey! Not being a parent I don't have much to contribute but I'm listening to a tele-conference right now that might be really helpful: http://datingdivascommunity.kajabi.com/fe/21692-join-the-dating-divas-community

    Parenting: Discipline vs. Punishment - you can access the recordings for $1.

    They're talking a lot about judging yourself for your children's behaviour. Connect with the idea of innate value - both for your child and for yourself.

    He also mentioned he'll be offering free training in November on his website.


Feel free to comment - but please, be polite, be nice - and no trolls!