Behind the Smile

I've been struggling with writing this post for the last couple of days. I wrote it, I deleted it, I wrote it again. I saved it. And here I am again, re-writing, editing, thinking... and I'm still not sure I want

to post it... but here it is.

Monday night I was at a family dinner celebrating my parents' birthdays. Out of the blue my brother-in-law says "Oh my God, Robin Williams killed himself!" Understandably, everyone's reaction was the same: "What?!" And over the past couple of days we've been inundated with posts about his life, his amazing works, and perhaps not surprisingly quite a few posts about mental illness, specifically depression.

Let me be clear: The last flipping thing I want to do is capitalise on the unfortunate and very sad death of someone who brought millions of people joy and laughter. That is NOT the point of this post. In fact, not referring to it in my blog has been my main reason for not posting this piece again and again over the past few days. But I just have to speak to something that I keep seeing in the media and on facebook and twitter.





Almost all of the posts that take issue with people's reaction to Robin Williams' death start with or reference the tweet that Evan Rachel Wood & The Academy posted:

Northward Bound

We're coming up on the Civic Holiday weekend here in Canada. And for the past many years this has been a weekend where my family (my parents, my sisters and I and our respective families) head up north to our family cottage to get a little silly and crazy and have a general good time. Unfortunately this year our youngest sister won't be able to join us but we're still looking forward to a great weekend of swimming, sunning, bonfires, games and cottage dance parties.

There's just something about the cottage. I spent most of every summer growing up there. I got engaged and married there. I've spent countless birthdays, family celebrations, corn roasts, boat rallies and Canada Days up there. I would live there if I could...

I often joke that if it weren't for the fact that I'm so obviously addicted to things like social media, digital photography and my e-reader that I should have been born in a different century. I love to do things like knit and crochet, sew, and I put up tonnes of homemade pickles and jams each year. And there's something about being up north, where our cell phones don't work and there's no Internet that just.... refreshes my soul. I usually bring my guitar and my yoga mat. And I spend a lot more time sitting, drinking tea and talking to my family members - live and in person than I normally do. Getting up early to go and do yoga on the dock as the sun burns the fog off the water, drinking tea in Adirondack chairs, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over a bonfire, and singing silly songs with my Dad and my kids while I play my guitar... those are the things that have real, honest, value in my life.

I look at this weekend away as a kind of retreat. I will miss you bloggies - but I will return to my normal, electronically filled life far too soon - but for now - I'm packing up and heading northward bound. One of the places my heart calls home.

Hope you're having a peace and rest-filled weekend too!
Talk soon.
Tea.

On Track.... ish

Wow - it's been a while blog-o-sphere - sorry about that.
Two things:
1) I'm going to start posting here more regularly - promise. HOWEVER, I may post about boring/weird/awkward/bizarre situations that are generally just, y'know LIFE. Ugh. So, consider this your fair warning. If you wish to just be amused and not challenged in any way shape or form by the internets then please click here instead: Go fun times!

2) I will not be posting What Mama Wears on Talk and Tea Leaves any longer. WMW has it's own new shiny home. And it can be found right here! What Mama Wears


SO - what's new, you ask? (Well thanks for askin!) Um, everything and nothing. Obvs. I'm still unemployed, except that my little sister and I have a totally home-based, friends of friends cake business! Yay! Actually it's super fun, we have a great time baking and creating and we want to share the love of cake (Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeee) with everyone. It's called Candy Girls Cake Co. Because we both used to have the last name Candy! And it's so sweet! And fun! And kitschy! And this is a lot of exclamation points!

Other than that. I've gained weight. Ugh. So not fun, but terribly terribly true. Which is one of the reasons I've started up WMW again because let's be honest, plus-sized clothing for tall girls with boobage is so ugh.

My kiddos are SO big now. We went on our first ever family vacation with just the 4 of us - yippee! Except that we decided to drive from Ontario to Alberta to stay in Calgary with friends. The staying in Calgary with friends part was AWESOME, the driving 40 hours there and 40 hours back with 2 kids in a jam-packed 20 year old Nissan Sentra was..... less.... awesome.

My littl'un is actually going to start school in September - all day, every day Junior Kindergarten. Which means..... Mama is going to be lookin for a job! But I need that job to have me work Mon-Fri between like 9:30am to 2:30pm... I know, right - TONNES of options. But I digress.

So now - because you've been such good little readers, I will leave you with some pictures from our family vacay - just the highlights here kids!

Talk soon!
Tea

 

My boys, hangin at the Hoodoos!

 For reals kids! That's the woodchipper from Fargo! Yeah? Yeah! Jeez!

 Just me, holdin hands with Toby Keith like it's NBD

 Dog River! Word!

 Corner Gas Baby!

 The Ruby! Hey, Kids! Get that F & E off my lawn!

 Littl'un and his buddy T-Rex at the Royal Tyrell Museum, Drumheller

 Best. Day. Ever.
Hubs? Can we move to Banff?

Corner of Moose & Squirrel in Downtown Banff

 STAMPEDE!

 Miss you so much already! Friends are the Family you choose. :)

Make it: Advent wreath

So, I'm officially fed up with the crazed commercialization of Christmas. My kids are on complete overdrive! It seems like the second that Hallowe'en was over, Christmas advertising started.

Recently, we asked our boys why we have Christmas - their responses were expected: Santa! Presents! Christmas Tree!

Boy oh boy - we have some work to do.

I asked them if they knew WHY we celebrate Christmas? Nope. I asked them if they knew what Advent was? No clue.

We decided that this year, as a family, we would work on what Advent means to us, as Christians in today's world. It's a time of preparation, of anticipation, and rejoicing. To help remember these lessons I made an advent candle wreath for our home, which we will light with the boys each Sunday evening of Advent before they go to bed. That, along with the advent calendar of books I'm preparing (another post) we're hoping to have some real, honest, open discussions with our boys about why we celebrate Christmas, what we believe, and how to make that a part of our everyday lives.


Onto the project!
I started by gathering supplies:

  - Grapevine wreath (Michael's $4.99)
 - votive candles (Walmart, $1 ea)
 - White pillar candle (Walmart $2)
 - Christmas decorative sprigs (Michael's $1.69 ea)
 - side cutters
 - scissors
 - LED light pack (Michael's $7.50)
 - labels
 - twine or leather stringing

Step 1

 Cut apart the decorative sprigs using the side cutters and weave them into the top of the wreath for some colour

 Note the quality control inspector ^

Step 2

 Weave the LED light string into the wreath from the bottom

Step 3

 Using hot glue, glue the four votive candle holders evenly spaced around the wreath.
Step 4

 Create Hope, Peace, Joy & Love labels for each of the four votive candles. The Joy candle is the pink candle
Step 5

 Using leather stringing or twine place a dot of glue on the back of the candle holder to start to attach the string, wrap a couple of times around the votive, slide on the label, and then keep wrapping until the end of the string. Secure with hot glue.

Place somewhere in your house and put the white Christmas/Christ candle in the centre.

 Voila! Family advent wreath. :)

Here's a couple of resources for Advent and kids that I have been using to help me prepare for this season with my kids:

http://ministry-to-children.com/advent-lessons-nativity/
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/preparing-children.html
http://simplekids.net/advent-2012/
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/holidays/making-meaningful-christmas-memories/celebrate-advent.aspx

How are you celebrating the season of Advent with your kids? Do you have any go-to resources?
Here's to the season of waiting, anticipating, and preparing.

Tea.

Back in the thick of things

Hello dear Readers,

Sorry I've been away for so long - the summer was insanely busy and having both the kiddos with me at all times makes it pretty difficult to keep up with the blogging as well as everything else.

Crazy things happening over the summer - aside from our regular back and forth between home and cottage - we finally managed to hire a new minister at our church (Yay!) and he and his family were getting settled. Then with September we kicked back into high gear with the big'un in SK and me and the little one settling into our regular day to day.

On a sour note: we had a flood at our house. :( Literally came home and the hubs said "It's raining in the basement!" Not even joking. Ceiling came down, floor is ripped up, our downstairs bathroom is going to have to be gutted, replacing the electrical panel and all kinds of other joyous little things. Ugh.

On an up note: The cake business with my lil' sis has been swinging merrily along, and I'm going to share some of our creations with you - let us know what you think!
Animal cake we made for our HeyOl'man for his birthday...

Our first ever topsy-turvy cake!

A special cake for my gorgeous Mama-in-law's 60th birthday. :)

A fall wedding cake with our first try at handmade gumpaste tiger lilies!

 My little pony cake!

Nana nana nana nana, Nana nana nana nana - BATCAKE!

I promise I'll be more with the updating now that we're sort of settled back into life

Tea.

Sometimes Moms shout...

An Open Letter to the woman who shouted at me in the Michael's parking lot for shouting to admonish my 5 year old.

Hi there,

Thanks for shouting at me across the parking lot while I struggled to get my two boys out of the car and into the store this morning. It was especially helpful for you to berate and admonish me for shouting at my five year old after he quite literally slammed his door open into the fancy SUV we were parked beside. Especially since, just moments before, I said to him "Buddy, these parking spaces are small, make sure you open your door carefully, okay?"

A Painful Anniversary

Today is a painful anniversary. One I've, honestly, been trying not to think about all day. It helped (ha!) that our water heater broke this morning and our laundry room was flooded and I spent a good chunk of the morning thinking about that instead... but every time I get a spare moment to myself... it creeps in.

A year ago today - my whole life got turned upside down. Stood right on its head. I lost absolute control over everything about myself. A year ago today I learned that I had lost our baby. It was a true death for me. I grieved it as one. I still grieve our baby's loss. I may, likely, do so for the rest of my life.

The Organizing Bug: Episode 1: Kitchen

A couple of times a year it hits me. The organizing bug. I start to get a little more antsy in our house. The amount of "stuff" we have around irritates me. I feel like I can't FIND things... and if I let it come to a head, I start to want to just pitch everything. Usually it's about this time of year that I start letting the organizing bug take over - and this time around I thought I would chronicle this little bit of wackiness and share it with you.

I started with our kitchen. Our kitchen is.... irritating. When we bought our house I thought - this is awesome, it's big enough for a kitchen table, has a big window over the sink... fabulous!

Then we moved in and it started to sink in that I only had 2 drawers in the whole kitchen. 2. Drawers. That the corner had a cupboard that was basically completely blind and in order to get at anything in those corners you'd  have to take practically everything out and then perform some kind of contortionism to get the things from the corner out. That the floor was SO not level and that the tile that I actually kind of liked wasn't actually marbled... it was really dirty - and had a TONNE of little nicks, nooks, crannies and such that just were magnetised for dirt.

There didn't seem to be a way that made sense for putting things away... and as such, every now and again, when I let the bug take over, I go "deep clean" mode. It started with emptying out all the cupboards and the 2 drawers. Absolutely EVERYTHING came out. I cleared off our counters completely, and then with a bleach/dish soap solution every counter top, bit of molding, cupboard, shelf, etc got scrubbed and wiped down. Then the purge.

At this point I need the hubs to come in and slow me down. Left to my own devices we'd have 2 plates, cups, bowls, and set of cutlery each ... and that'd be it. Honestly, I'd just started throwing everything out. The rule that I abide by is: if it hasn't been used in a year OR we have more than 1 of an item, it can probably go. There are exceptions of course. I only kept 1 peeler, but I kept 2 pizza cutters.

Now - I apologise, I don't have any before pictures... I was honestly far too embarrassed by the state of our kitchen to even consider taking any. I DO, however, have after pictures to share with you. Yay!

What Mama Wears: on Mother's Day

So, this outfit was inspired by my Mother's Day gift from my boys - these rockin' shoes!

My Mother, My Friend.

I keep reading these articles and blogs and books and such that say "You are not your child's friend. You are their parent. You can love them unconditionally, you can support and encourage them, you can laugh and play with them, but you are not their friend." and I think... wow. My Mom sure did it wrong.

Now, obviously I'm being a bit sarcastic here. My mother has always been my mother... and while I certainly wasn't your typical teenager (I left the screaming and such to my younger sisters) I certainly had my teenage moments... but having lived at home throughout school, and even university, and now I'm grown and have kiddos of my own, I can honestly say that I am proud to call her both my Mom and my friend.

We do a lot together. We dance together in our church's liturgical dance group, we chat regularly, drop by each other's houses, drink tea, email practically daily... she is definitely my Mom. There are times in all of our lives when we just need to talk to our mothers... but she is also definitely my friend.

She taught me to be strong, and she supports me when I'm not. She taught me to be confident, and she built me up so that I could be. She taught me to laugh at myself, by never being afraid to show her silly, goofy side. She taught me to try new things, because you never know what your next passion might be. She taught me the value of good food, good friends, family and that time is the most precious gift you can give anyone.

She has also helped me through this dark time this past year, by not being afraid to share her own journey through the darkness of depression and loss. She is a powerfully vulnerable, beautifully confident, and an amazingly wonderful woman. My mother, my friend.

Happy Mother's Day Mama. Thank you for being the mother I'm striving to be.

What Mama Wears: Comfy Boho? Or An outfit in progress...

Generally I tend to share with you the outfits that I think I look decent in. But today, the hubs actually said "Hey, you look nice!" and I thought, huh - well, I guess I'd better put this on the blog. Usually, the outfits I share are for a specific purpose, like going to church, performing, outings with people who aren't my family (I mean, if you can wear sweatpants around anyone, it's your fam) but this is more of a "hey, it's Tuesday and this is clean" kind of outfit... that picked up accessories as the day went on.

For example: this morning I knew I wanted to wear this skirt - sometimes I just feel like wearing a skirt, and I LOVE this one because a)I got it at V-V Boutique for less than $5 and b) it has pockets. Yeah... pockets!
I had it on with a white long sleeve tee, which lasted about 20 minutes until I was putting juice in a drink cup for the big'un's lunchbag, had a random hand spasm and ended up wearing most of it. So... the white tee went the way of the dodo and I put this pinky-purplish henley on instead... which I actually like better. Then as I was putting shoes away in the closet I found this belt on the floor which I bought at the Ex like a billion years ago (or like 6 years, whatever), so I put it on. Then I took it off and put it on backwards because I love the beads. Then I noticed I had left these earrings and necklace in the bathroom the last time I wore them, so instead of putting them away, I put them on... and well, here we are.

So - I'm questioning whether or not this qualifies as "boho"? The belt and the jewellery feel a little boho to me... but I don't know about the skirt and henley. In any case, it's comfy and it was clean. So - this is what Mama wears on days like that.

Emotional rollercoaster

So, when I was young, we did a youth musical at our church (actually, we did a bunch of them, but this one sticks out right now) and one had a song that went like this "This rollercoaster ride of life, lifts you up and lets you down. This rollercoaster ride of life, spins you round and round and round. Heaven knows, wherever you go, He will be there by your side. On this rollercoaster ride, of life."

Now, obviously, as teens,  we all totally related to this. I mean, when in your life are your more on an emotional rollercoaster than when you're a teenager. But this past year has been as much of an emotional rollercoaster as any time in my life.

Right now, I'm in the process of switching to a new medication. Fun, wow - right? ugh.

What Mama Wears... to a weddin'!

As mentioned in a previous post, my sister-in-law recently got married. She was a beautiful bride and the day was lovely, everything we could have hoped for. I was not in the wedding party, however, I did read scripture at the ceremony, and the boys were her ring-bearers. Too cute! The hubs played trumpet with his brother as their sister came down the aisle, and it was a beautiful ceremony. This means that my outfit needed to be slightly more than "average wedding guest" and slightly less than "in the bridal party". I think I found my happy medium.

I wore a great dress that I picked up when shopping in Buffalo with my Mom and sisters. Some funky accessories and it was a lovely springy outfit perfect for a day of celebrating. Let me know what you think!

I'll start by sharing a pic of my gorgeous sister-in-law... see?